tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize