Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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