he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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