He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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