I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
