When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
