Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize