you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Less talking, more tequila
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
