Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
