oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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