i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
