Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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