I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
