You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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