I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
