porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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