I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
