Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
