Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
