I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
