Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize