let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
