i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
