Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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