"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
