After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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