I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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