4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How many fucks given?
0.12846
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize