NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
