Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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