Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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