mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My ass is underappreciated
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
