I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
