May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
