Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
