He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize