i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
