I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
