Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
