we have officially mastered the walk of shame
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
