some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
