We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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