I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
