Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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