Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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