This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
