just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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