giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
