When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
