i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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