dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
