So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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