seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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