I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize