i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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