he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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