maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
