um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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