the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
