My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
