Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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