If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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