I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
