hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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