I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
