Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize