Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
