I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
