i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
