Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
