Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
