Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I still have a little drunk in my system
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
